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I’ve written about the Snapchat app before. I’ve told you about why you should monitor Snapchat and other apps, and I’ve written about how it could be a dangerous app for kids.
In this time of new technology, technology that we didn’t have as kids, it’s important to be flexible. I have no previous experience with teenagers, kids who use iPhones, or even kids who use Snapchat. I’m literally making it up as I go along, as I bet you are.
Making it up as you go along means backtracking and changing your mind as the world around you changes. And when you have kids, the world around you is changing daily. Something we have always said to Michael is, “we’ve never been the parent of a ___ year old before. We’re learning as we go, and there will always be changes.” We’ve grounded him and then decided against it after we have thought it through. We have sat on a few things for days before deciding that we need to address it with him. These are things that happen when parents don’t have a precedent set. I can’t ask my Mom how she handled my iPhone use. This is a first for us all.
While I still stand by my opinions that Snapchat should be monitored (as much as you can monitor it) and that it could be dangerous for teens, I’m also changing my stance a little and allowing Michael to have it on his phone.
While I’m not happy about Snapchat being on my son’s iPhone, I’m allowing it. Here are my reasons why:
1. Michael isn’t very outgoing. Last year at one of his parent-teacher conferences, we were told that he was chatting too much during class. My husband and I immediately had smiles on our faces and responded with, “we’ll talk to him about being respectful in class, but we’re kind of excited that he’s talking to friends during class.” You see, kids do that–and we were afraid that Michael was keeping to himself a little too much. He’s using Snapchat as a way to talk with his friends, and as a parent we don’t want to get in the way of him making friends. This is the same reason that we will take video games off of his phone as a punishment, but we won’t take his phone away from him. We want him to interact with his peers.
2. Kids delete messages. As much as we would like to think that they listen to us when they’re told to not delete anything, they still do it. Texts, photos, Facebook messages, and Instagram messages–they’re all being deleted by kids every day whether you’d like to believe it or not. Is deleting messages and texts really any different than using Snapchat, which deletes all messages after about 10 seconds? In my eyes, it’s not. Trust me–I don’t like saying that, but it’s true.
3. While there are several reasons to delete apps from a child’s phone, in this situation I believe it’s best to teach my son how to use Snapchat responsibly. We will still do random checks of his phone while he has it in his hands and when he puts it up for the night (our rule is that the phone needs to be charged in the kitchen every night). I’ll watch Snapchats that haven’t been seen yet and if I see anything inappropriate, we’ll chat about it. And we make sure to remind him regularly that though Snapchat says the photos are deleted forever, they actually aren’t. You could take a screenshot of a Snapchat or photograph the Snapchat with another device. Some companies are offering Snapchat retrieval services and of course, a court order will open those Snapchat records pretty quickly.
What is your opinion? Do you allow your teen to use Snapchat?
I am so glad you are fighting these battles now.. hopefully by the time my kids have phones, I can rely totally on your advice. :-)
It’ll all be changed by then, I’m guessing!
I agree with Karen – keep fighting these battles and letting us know how it goes!
Also, you make a lot of sense about thinking things through and being willing to change. That is something that I talk a lot about in my professional life, but with the kids I have found myself choosing to stick to my guns regarding things simply because I already made a decision, rather than being willing to change my mind.
I’m going to make a point of being ok rethinking decisions and changing my mind, as appropriate!
I did that a lot, Chelsea. It was when Michael turned 8 or 9 that I realized that I was being stubborn-which is well within my right. But then I started to realize that my first thought wasn’t necessarily the best one (Steve had to help me realize this a few times). Once we explained that we’re human too, and we make mistakes, Michael seemed to listen a little closer when we told him what we were thinking.
My oldest doesn’t have a smart phone, yet. But I agree with these statements. As parents we have to continue to learn and change as we go! If they don’t use snapchat, they’ll find another app or way to do it! Education and communication are key! #typeaparent
My oder two have Snapchat. It’s not my favorite app, but they have not given us any reason to not trust them at this point. Hopefully they never do. We discuss how we want them to use their phones. Our biggest problem is just getting them to put them down.
That is my biggest problem also, getting my 12-y.o. daughter to put her phone down. It is like an extension of her hand. I threaten that her hand is going to grow around it.
I have two teen girls and both use snapchats a lot to socialize with there friends. This is one app I don’t have and use but I’ve sat with them and they have taken a pic with me in it to share. So I have an idea of what it does. I have to agree it helps them to become more social and teaching them how to be safe is better than just taking it away.
I am having a huge battle with my 12yr old son just now about me checking his phone. He thinks I’m just being nosey 😢 it’s the bloody groupchats I hate!
i’m a kid that wants snapchat, my parents are concerned about me not being ready for it. what should i tell them?